Sunday, 17 March 2013

'Seeking Girlhood Through VLCD' or 'Less is More'.

Beginning things often seems hard. As a world class procrastinator I should know. My procrastination takes many forms, applies to a myriad of activities; the degree of procrastination is directly proportionate to the importance of the task in hand (or not in hand quite yet). Anyway, here again I am failing to get off the starting blocks. My train of thought has been derailed. I had wanted to use this 'blog' to practise my writing but I don't use it very often, and the thought of my writing being read by people is actually really uncomfortable. I'm not a writer by any means. Is it ridiculous to have a place where you go to try to do that thing, the talent for which you admire in others but don't possess yourself? What is this blog space even for? Am I wrecking it by mixing attempts to write with personal rants and now a weight-loss diary. (That's what today's entry is trying to be about, but I guess it's not really about that is it).

Time and again it seems my writing has this undercurrent of dissatisfaction. It is quite possible that this is rather telling. (Note the hedging, note the distancing from this truth that is required in order for me to express it). It is not an attractive trait, dissatisfaction in one's self. But it is real. For everyone. Without exception. So perhaps (hedging again) my problem here is one of figuring out how to navigate the space between the private and the public; being real and being acceptable; being me and being attractive. These conditions somehow appear to be mutually exclusive in my head although I know that they really aren't. You see that it is in this respect that weight-loss and writing are addressing the same issue. Or are they simply subject to the same self imposed constraints? Or is the purpose of each to overcome those constraints?

Now to identify those constraints... *thinking face*

                                                     [I'll get back to you later on that one]

So... In Bridget Jones' style...

Week 1 of Cambridge Weight Plan.

Start weight - 13st10lb. There. I said it.

Calorie limit per day: 800

Pattern of consumption: Drink lots of water, don't bother with breakfast, space the shake out through the day in coffees, have the soup about 4.30pm, have the porridge about 9pm. Easy to do Mon-Fri. Haven't worked weekends out yet. Had porridge for late breakfast (after lunch time), reckoning on shake later on and soup for supper. Must drink a lot more water!

Cheats to date: 2 x jaffa cake, 1 x half slice of wholemeal toast (buttered), 1 x half pear, 3 x glugs of milk in morning brews.

Positive side effects:
- increased energy
- euphoria
- ridiculous horn (feels good but has negative aspect - see below)
- not having to think about what to have for dinner
- no cooking (therefore very little washing up!)
- not hungry
- not expensive.

Negative side effects:
- weeing loads
- ridiculous horn (note: in other circumstances this could of course be considered a positive side effect but personally I have nowhere to put mine and am therefore finding the blandest of men suddenly and inappropriately alluring, and risk actually exploding into a billion billion beads of shimmering light on sight of a genuinely beautiful man)
- grumpy when euphoria wanes (possible link to unresolved horn)
- unable to accept invitations to lunch/pub (I include this for your benefit, I have no such invitations at present).

Weigh in is on Tuesday evening. I shall report back. According to my Body Mass Index I am 'obese' for my height of 5'5 and 1/2" and have 3 and 1/2 stones to lose in order to be 'OK'. I think they should rename this category 'perfect'. In 3 and 1/2 stones time I shall be perfect ;)


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